Ok, so the other day my little sister wrote to let me know that I had forgotten to blog about how cool she is. So this one is for her.
My sister Farrah...for those that you don't know, her full name is Farrah Fawn! Anyway...Farrah is the youngest of us three girls. She is also the coolest. If you don't believe me just ask her. From the time she was a little girl she had her own sense of self. She had shoes that she called her Rock Bottom shoes (we had a thing for KISS), she had an invisible friend named Mikey who would spontaneously appear anywhere any of us happened to sit. This led to a lot of, "move, you are sitting on Mikey!" This Mikey character also had swimming pools that apparently could travel anywhere he did because often times when we moved we landed in his pool.
She eventually grew out of the Rock Bottom Mikey phase and we moved on to the New Kids on the Block...ok I couldn't help myself here, that is just too funny not to mention! HE HE HE
And it was during this time that making your own cassette tapes from songs on the radio was the thing to do! So she would do this...oftentimes to really good tapes that the rest of us had already made. That girl mastered the skill of putting scotch tape on the cassette to overwrite any tape there was! Which was cool...until it was your tape...and in the middle of your favorite song...which I think at the time was Girls Just want to Have Fun!!! And before Cindy's dad could even ask what you gonna do with your life...the words "Count Down AFARRAHCA" come blaring through...yep...nice!
Farrah has since grown out of her bad music taste...I will tell you that I haven't...I have to tell you that or she will.
Farrah, Kelley and I have all become great friends since those tense days of musical differences (Wait til Kelley's birthday and we talk about the Infection, I mean the Cure." And I know I speak for Kelley when I say...We Love you sister! Happy Birthday! Ok, I have to say it or she'll call me on it. You are my favorite. Kelley when you read this just know, I will say the same thing to you on your birthday and I expect you to all do the same for me!
Love ya!
Saturday, March 29, 2008
Wednesday, March 26, 2008
Trying to realize they won't be babies forever...
So last night I had a harsh realization. My girls aren't babies anymore. If I take them to the playground they are now the big kids. It was 3 days ago when I would take them to the park and I would have to watch their every move because they were so little and the other kids were sooooo big. I used to have to lift them to the rings and on to the swing and now they can do it all on their own. However, swings and rings aside I came to the realization last night because of the books that were chosen for bedtime.
First of all let me just say that Emily went crazy and begged for an MP3 player and the Easter Bunny delivered. She wanted this device so that she could listen to stories in her room just like the rest of us. Audio books are something we all consume as if its a much needed DNA sequence that will make us cease to exist if we don't have it. So the first quake in my foundation was Emily's lack of interest in me reading to her last night because she wanted to let her story put her to sleep.
The second glimpse of their vanishing babydom was the choice of books that Abbey was reading. She's now reading books with titles that scare me "Wait til Helen Comes" and then the titles about teenagers. She's really into this series called "The Clique" Wait a second...What happened to the Magic Tree House ? Shouldn't she be climbing up and seeing what century she's going to next? Most of all what happened to Junie B. Jones? Junie is supposed to be the one Abs is hanging out with, not about some girls in a clique. I'm pretty sure that Junie B. and That Grace didn't start a clique! Sheesh. And this made me remember the sweet satisfaction that I got when I got my first Sweet Valley High books. I would read them in one sitting like a bulimic without an audience. And then I couldn't wait to get my next fix. I can remember when Tricia died and thinking that I'd never get over it. I think she was the first young person that I "knew" that died. I couldn't imagine anything more tragic. And then I realized that maybe I'm not just wishing that their growing up would slow down but that mine would run in reverse. I can remember being their ages and the friends I had and my "passions". It seems like I shouldn't be old enough to have kids let alone those in the tween ages. And if my time from then to now had zipped by so quickly that only means that their time will pass just as quickly. This was a gentle reminder to enjoy each day.
So after I tucked them in and went to bed and started reading my book something way too adult for someone reminiscing about Sweet Valley High. I read for a while and went to check on the girls and kiss them one more time before I fell asleep. I checked on Abbey first, kissed her forehead and noticed how she still sucks her lip just like she did when she was first born and caught a glimpse of the baby still such a part of her. Then I went in and tucked Emily's Bz, aka blankie, around her and kissed her sweet face, I could still see the baby that she was (and still is in my mind) by the soft curve of her cheek even if it was laying on a Hannah Montana pillowcase instead of Barney.
First of all let me just say that Emily went crazy and begged for an MP3 player and the Easter Bunny delivered. She wanted this device so that she could listen to stories in her room just like the rest of us. Audio books are something we all consume as if its a much needed DNA sequence that will make us cease to exist if we don't have it. So the first quake in my foundation was Emily's lack of interest in me reading to her last night because she wanted to let her story put her to sleep.
The second glimpse of their vanishing babydom was the choice of books that Abbey was reading. She's now reading books with titles that scare me "Wait til Helen Comes" and then the titles about teenagers. She's really into this series called "The Clique" Wait a second...What happened to the Magic Tree House ? Shouldn't she be climbing up and seeing what century she's going to next? Most of all what happened to Junie B. Jones? Junie is supposed to be the one Abs is hanging out with, not about some girls in a clique. I'm pretty sure that Junie B. and That Grace didn't start a clique! Sheesh. And this made me remember the sweet satisfaction that I got when I got my first Sweet Valley High books. I would read them in one sitting like a bulimic without an audience. And then I couldn't wait to get my next fix. I can remember when Tricia died and thinking that I'd never get over it. I think she was the first young person that I "knew" that died. I couldn't imagine anything more tragic. And then I realized that maybe I'm not just wishing that their growing up would slow down but that mine would run in reverse. I can remember being their ages and the friends I had and my "passions". It seems like I shouldn't be old enough to have kids let alone those in the tween ages. And if my time from then to now had zipped by so quickly that only means that their time will pass just as quickly. This was a gentle reminder to enjoy each day.
So after I tucked them in and went to bed and started reading my book something way too adult for someone reminiscing about Sweet Valley High. I read for a while and went to check on the girls and kiss them one more time before I fell asleep. I checked on Abbey first, kissed her forehead and noticed how she still sucks her lip just like she did when she was first born and caught a glimpse of the baby still such a part of her. Then I went in and tucked Emily's Bz, aka blankie, around her and kissed her sweet face, I could still see the baby that she was (and still is in my mind) by the soft curve of her cheek even if it was laying on a Hannah Montana pillowcase instead of Barney.
Tuesday, March 25, 2008
Trying not to wax poetic...
I have to tell you that this was a bittersweet Easter. It was another Easter where we didn't have any family but the four of us in our little family. Since we are back to being the lone Kansas Loewens it is kind of a weird deal. We've had all kinds of Easters since we've been here, just us 4, us + Greg's parents, us + my sister, other Greg and the boys (yes its official I call my brother in law Greg, "Other Greg" and then back to just us 4 again. I have completely mixed emotions about this. I like when the 4 of us get time to be together, especially after Greg and I both have been traveling so much and having so many things that we "have" to do. It was kind of nice to run Easter at our own pace. But, as the girls were on their wild egg hunt...more on that later. I truly missed having someone else to take part in that fun with us. I missed the B.A.D. boys. I missed waiting on my sister and Other Greg...ha ha just kidding about the waiting on them...inside joke to my sistah. I missed my in-laws (which kind of makes me an outlaw) and my father in-law's great clues and breakfast that I didn't have to make but just show up for. I used to think that it was so much work to have family around to "deal" with, now I know what it means to say labor of love. Because isn't that what it all comes down to? That pure and basic love?
I love my girls more than I could ever aptly describe. They bring me joy. They give my life real meaning and to manipulate a bad line from a good movie, "They make me want to be a better person." Most of all they make me want to share every second of their life with the people that are important to me.
I love my girls more than I could ever aptly describe. They bring me joy. They give my life real meaning and to manipulate a bad line from a good movie, "They make me want to be a better person." Most of all they make me want to share every second of their life with the people that are important to me.
Friday, March 21, 2008
Trying not to take credit...
So, to redeem myself from my last post I want to write about an amazing turn of events that also, as it happens, coincides with Easter.
A few months ago, my sister Kelley and I were talking about things we wanted. She stated that she really wanted to find her husband, Greg's mother. I probably have my details mixed up but I believe they had been apart for over 20 years. This could be false data but its somewhere in that neighborhood. I told Kelley, with a false sense of bravado, that with a few keystrokes and $10.00 we could probably have her phone number in minutes. So, I googled the name and put in a few other details ...and up popped a name, and an address, and a phone number, and her list of relatives...and Greg was listed. We both sat with that bewildered sense of "Wow! Guess what we've done!!" I could feel that awe emanating across the entire gap from TX to KS. I think we both had chills. Kelley hung up with me, called Greg and asked a few questions about other relatives that were listed to narrow down that yes, this was in fact his mom...and it was! Kelley, being her beautiful, impulsive self, couldn't wait to call her. She wanted her to know how wonderful her son is, what an amazing dad he is to her boys and what a great man he had become...and yes probably that she is a kick-ass catch for him as well!
And she called her.
I probably wouldn't have been as brave. I would have over-analyzed, talked myself into and out of calling her. I would have wondered if Greg would have hurt feelings when he talked to her, anger, sadness or worse indifference. That comes from all of the mixed up feelings from our own childhood. My sisters, and brothers and I all grew up apart, yet still feel very close. We all still live apart but truly we all know how monumentally important we are to each other. I probably would have worried what his mom would have to say. I would be afraid that she would have anger or resentment or worse indifference. I think that would have been the hardest thing for me. Worrying that someone would be rejecting someone that is so important to me. But Kelley wasn't. She got to talk to her mother in law, Greg got to talk to his mom. No anger, judgment, or indifference. Just gratitude at finding each other. Graciousness that Kelley reached out and did something neither of them had been able to do.
After a few weeks of phone calls their new found family member was coming to stay with them. In that short time Kelley gained a mother-in-law and the boys gained a G.G. (Grandma from Greg) She is there right now, with my beautiful nephews, becoming part of their life, of my sister's life and becoming a tangible part of Greg's life again. As his mother she was always part of his life. I'm sure like any of us, there is always that point in the day when his parents cross his mind. But its different when you have the ability to pick up the phone and talk to them. Even if you don't pick up the phone, you know you can. For Greg's mom, she gets to see that they are a true family. Greg became part of our family instantly. We were so grateful that Kelley had someone that would love her unconditionally and better than that would love the boys unconditionally. They are proof that despite our pasts or maybe because of them we all have the ability to move on and create a family by being a family.
So this Easter, while many of will be marvelling at the candy, or the flowers, or the fact that Spring is here and its even starting to look like it. And despite the normal sibling hassling that my sister and I do, I will stop giving her grief that I made it all happen (I keep waiting for my invitation to be on Oprah because I made it all come true!) I will be thankful for knowing that a mother's love is in many forms, never dies, and can be a bond from one mom to another even if they aren't even related.
A few months ago, my sister Kelley and I were talking about things we wanted. She stated that she really wanted to find her husband, Greg's mother. I probably have my details mixed up but I believe they had been apart for over 20 years. This could be false data but its somewhere in that neighborhood. I told Kelley, with a false sense of bravado, that with a few keystrokes and $10.00 we could probably have her phone number in minutes. So, I googled the name and put in a few other details ...and up popped a name, and an address, and a phone number, and her list of relatives...and Greg was listed. We both sat with that bewildered sense of "Wow! Guess what we've done!!" I could feel that awe emanating across the entire gap from TX to KS. I think we both had chills. Kelley hung up with me, called Greg and asked a few questions about other relatives that were listed to narrow down that yes, this was in fact his mom...and it was! Kelley, being her beautiful, impulsive self, couldn't wait to call her. She wanted her to know how wonderful her son is, what an amazing dad he is to her boys and what a great man he had become...and yes probably that she is a kick-ass catch for him as well!
And she called her.
I probably wouldn't have been as brave. I would have over-analyzed, talked myself into and out of calling her. I would have wondered if Greg would have hurt feelings when he talked to her, anger, sadness or worse indifference. That comes from all of the mixed up feelings from our own childhood. My sisters, and brothers and I all grew up apart, yet still feel very close. We all still live apart but truly we all know how monumentally important we are to each other. I probably would have worried what his mom would have to say. I would be afraid that she would have anger or resentment or worse indifference. I think that would have been the hardest thing for me. Worrying that someone would be rejecting someone that is so important to me. But Kelley wasn't. She got to talk to her mother in law, Greg got to talk to his mom. No anger, judgment, or indifference. Just gratitude at finding each other. Graciousness that Kelley reached out and did something neither of them had been able to do.
After a few weeks of phone calls their new found family member was coming to stay with them. In that short time Kelley gained a mother-in-law and the boys gained a G.G. (Grandma from Greg) She is there right now, with my beautiful nephews, becoming part of their life, of my sister's life and becoming a tangible part of Greg's life again. As his mother she was always part of his life. I'm sure like any of us, there is always that point in the day when his parents cross his mind. But its different when you have the ability to pick up the phone and talk to them. Even if you don't pick up the phone, you know you can. For Greg's mom, she gets to see that they are a true family. Greg became part of our family instantly. We were so grateful that Kelley had someone that would love her unconditionally and better than that would love the boys unconditionally. They are proof that despite our pasts or maybe because of them we all have the ability to move on and create a family by being a family.
So this Easter, while many of will be marvelling at the candy, or the flowers, or the fact that Spring is here and its even starting to look like it. And despite the normal sibling hassling that my sister and I do, I will stop giving her grief that I made it all happen (I keep waiting for my invitation to be on Oprah because I made it all come true!) I will be thankful for knowing that a mother's love is in many forms, never dies, and can be a bond from one mom to another even if they aren't even related.
Trying to track my bracket...
Ok, so its basketball time. Living in Kansas has made me pay more attention to my brackets than I did the years in school where we got extra credit for each round we picked the right teams...I know quality education...but it did get me an "A" in Algebra II! This guy's belief was "I get paid whether you learn or not!"
So as I'm filling out my bracket I started to ponder how NCAA basketball playoffs coincide with Easter...and further more there are a few religious schools on there. Coincidence? I think not! This made me ponder some very strange considerations so indulge my weird brain for a few minutes. I know why and how all those Catholic schools got to the playoffs, if you have ever been to Catholic school you know that there is a big push to get into sports! Hell for a long time in church we were praying to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Lou Holtz! Praise to God the Fath'r, His Son Jaysus, and of course the blessed Fightin' Irish. And you will also know that there are always sign ups for CYA sports right after mass! But, how does Oral Roberts justify a basketball team? Is the thought here that Jesus wasn't merely leading the Apostles but rather their team captain? I mean think about it 11 plus Jesus (and before anyone writes to me...it could be counted as 12 if you count Paul...maybe he's just the coach or the water boy?) That sounds like a team to me?! So Jesus wasn't merely having brilliant talks with the Apostles he was coming up with plays, strategies, a better defense. Think about it! It could be true!
So getting back to the whole Oral Roberts thing. I would think that this competitive basketball "stuff" would get into the way of the praying and being repentant. And if they have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior why haven't they won the whole shebang? I look at the stats and I'm starting to think maybe you need to take part in a few sins to get in to that final bracket! I mean, Kentucky has 7 titles and their main industries are tobacco and whiskey! UCLA notoriously known as a party school and let's not forget my fave in the 90's UNLV!...umm...sin city?! I also noticed that while the Irish have never won a title in basketball they have other schools there helping them out Holy Cross, Loyola...
I know that there are a lot of women would probably be looking at the teams picking based on uniform color or how cute the mascot is, I for one will be looking to see which team would kick the others ass in a bar fight. You can take the girl out of Butte, but you can't take the Butte out of the girl...and if you tried to...back to the Butte motto...I'd kick your ass! :)
So as I'm filling out my bracket I started to ponder how NCAA basketball playoffs coincide with Easter...and further more there are a few religious schools on there. Coincidence? I think not! This made me ponder some very strange considerations so indulge my weird brain for a few minutes. I know why and how all those Catholic schools got to the playoffs, if you have ever been to Catholic school you know that there is a big push to get into sports! Hell for a long time in church we were praying to the Father, the Son, and the Holy Lou Holtz! Praise to God the Fath'r, His Son Jaysus, and of course the blessed Fightin' Irish. And you will also know that there are always sign ups for CYA sports right after mass! But, how does Oral Roberts justify a basketball team? Is the thought here that Jesus wasn't merely leading the Apostles but rather their team captain? I mean think about it 11 plus Jesus (and before anyone writes to me...it could be counted as 12 if you count Paul...maybe he's just the coach or the water boy?) That sounds like a team to me?! So Jesus wasn't merely having brilliant talks with the Apostles he was coming up with plays, strategies, a better defense. Think about it! It could be true!
So getting back to the whole Oral Roberts thing. I would think that this competitive basketball "stuff" would get into the way of the praying and being repentant. And if they have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior why haven't they won the whole shebang? I look at the stats and I'm starting to think maybe you need to take part in a few sins to get in to that final bracket! I mean, Kentucky has 7 titles and their main industries are tobacco and whiskey! UCLA notoriously known as a party school and let's not forget my fave in the 90's UNLV!...umm...sin city?! I also noticed that while the Irish have never won a title in basketball they have other schools there helping them out Holy Cross, Loyola...
I know that there are a lot of women would probably be looking at the teams picking based on uniform color or how cute the mascot is, I for one will be looking to see which team would kick the others ass in a bar fight. You can take the girl out of Butte, but you can't take the Butte out of the girl...and if you tried to...back to the Butte motto...I'd kick your ass! :)
Sunday, March 16, 2008
Trying to read all the good books that I can...
For the last 6 years I have kept a journal of the books that I read. I don't know if I do this as a way of seeing how much I read or rather that I am short term memory chick and can't remember if I've read certain books or not and can always check my list. I always have friends ask about books and if I've read a certain book or not. This was a way for me to keep it on file. So the other day I had a friend ask me if I could give her my list so I have now posted it. It was fun looking back at the different titles that I've read. With some I could remember where I was when I was reading it (usually in Montana!) I am a complete no-nonsense reader. I will read just about anything and I have a few authors that when I need a good escape, I lean on (Janet Evanovich, Jane Green, Luanne Rice, Kristen Hannah, and though I am hesitant to admit my true guilty pleasure and you'll see her on my list...a lot in fact...Danielle Steel)
I love to read! I love books! And even though I love good stories I am not a book snob. I don't grab things to read based solely on what Oprah (or anyone for that matter) had to say about it (the books that I've read on Oprah's list almost make me feel as though I need Prozac!) I read as an escape, for a laugh, for something that will touch my heart, make me believe in passion, romance, intelligence, good triumphing over evil etc.
I read because I want to be the lawyer, bounty hunter, 5'9" intelligent beauty, hell even the princess. I want to marry Ranger 1/2 the time and Morelli the other 1/2. I would date the Weasley twins and play drinking games with Dumbledore. I've hung out with fun, young, hip chicks that struggle with jobs, love, men and parenting. I've visited different cities, countries, continents and centuries.
I've finally found a way to read good books or rather I've finally grown up enough that I can pitch a book if I don't get into it. Nancy Pearl had a great formula for this and I live by it. 100 - (your age) = the number of pages to give a book before you give up on it. Probably the best formula I've ever learned and definitely the only one beyond H20 that I've remembered. Take this advice! There are way too many good books to waste time on the bad ones.
I love to read! I love books! And even though I love good stories I am not a book snob. I don't grab things to read based solely on what Oprah (or anyone for that matter) had to say about it (the books that I've read on Oprah's list almost make me feel as though I need Prozac!) I read as an escape, for a laugh, for something that will touch my heart, make me believe in passion, romance, intelligence, good triumphing over evil etc.
I read because I want to be the lawyer, bounty hunter, 5'9" intelligent beauty, hell even the princess. I want to marry Ranger 1/2 the time and Morelli the other 1/2. I would date the Weasley twins and play drinking games with Dumbledore. I've hung out with fun, young, hip chicks that struggle with jobs, love, men and parenting. I've visited different cities, countries, continents and centuries.
I've finally found a way to read good books or rather I've finally grown up enough that I can pitch a book if I don't get into it. Nancy Pearl had a great formula for this and I live by it. 100 - (your age) = the number of pages to give a book before you give up on it. Probably the best formula I've ever learned and definitely the only one beyond H20 that I've remembered. Take this advice! There are way too many good books to waste time on the bad ones.
Saturday, March 15, 2008
Trying to get over the guilt...
I woke up this morning to bright sunshine! I was so excited because everyday with sunshine is just a better day. Apparently I have Seasonal Affect disorder because sunshine has an effect on me. I decided to get my gear on and hit the pavement for a good run. I figured while I had bright sunshine I failed to bother to look outside and see what it looked like and then my daughter came in all excited because..."It snowed!! Mommy it snowed!" What a cruel trick! That meant a round of Fit TV and no pavement. Don't get me wrong I am by no means a fitness addict but yesterday I had time to run outside (no snow!) and it was so great. Time to myself, time in my own head continuing to figure out who I am and what I want to do with my life. The other bonus I have found since the fabulous MP3 players have hit the world is I can download audio books and "read" while I run. I always feel like I'm getting away with something when I do this but it does make exercise in general so much better.
One of the things that I really struggle with is finding time for myself. I work full time in a job that is more than full time (kind of like being a SAHM), have 2 girls that are in every sport imaginable, have had to start traveling and have a spouse who is having to travel for his job. This means that when I am home I just want to spend time with the girls and feel completely guilty doing the things for myself that I love to do (read, scrapbook, and though I don't like it I need it...workout) I know I am am not alone in this struggle and there are many of us that take on that guilty feeling when we actually indulge ourselves in "Me" time. But...I have also found that in order to be a good mom I have to take those moments; and although they may be few and far between, it really is important. I just have to learn not to give in to the guilt!
One of the things that I really struggle with is finding time for myself. I work full time in a job that is more than full time (kind of like being a SAHM), have 2 girls that are in every sport imaginable, have had to start traveling and have a spouse who is having to travel for his job. This means that when I am home I just want to spend time with the girls and feel completely guilty doing the things for myself that I love to do (read, scrapbook, and though I don't like it I need it...workout) I know I am am not alone in this struggle and there are many of us that take on that guilty feeling when we actually indulge ourselves in "Me" time. But...I have also found that in order to be a good mom I have to take those moments; and although they may be few and far between, it really is important. I just have to learn not to give in to the guilt!
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