Trying not to cry...

Ok, so I've been a really poor blogger. Ok, let me rephrase that, I know I'm a poor blogger, but I've done a poor job of posting anything new!

So to turn a phrase from the great Kim Possible, Here's the sitch. I'm off an another trip today. I can remember when I thought a little bit of travel might be nice. It would be a chance for Greg to have to deal with everything I had to deal with while he traveled. However, instead all I'm finding is that I'm dealing with everything he had to deal with while he traveled. I had no idea that I would feel so lonesome or that I could miss my kids so much. I love when I get alone time but for some reason being a few hundred miles away from them is different when its on our terms and not under the steam of something else. Its one thing for them to visit friends/family and a completely other one for me to leave them. Maybe I have abandonment issues...ok I know I have abandonment issues. I just have to say that it really breaks my heart to see one of my little girls cry and ask through tear choked sobs, "why do you have to go?" The thing is, they're going to be adults for a long time, and I'm already seeing glimpses of them not wanting to be with me (gasp!) but I can't handle being the one to have to leave them. I hate knowing that I put them through some pain everytime I leave for the airport. Maybe when they're teenagers I'll want to willingly leave them but for right now, I want to hold them, kiss them good night, put that extra blanket on them before I go to sleep and hear their sweet voices in the morning when they wake up.

So I'm getting ready to leave watching Abs across the room and I'm trying to be the big girl and not show my tears.