Trying to keep my cool...

I am having a hard time, keeping my cool, not the cool kids kind of cool because that left the second I had kids.  Before I dive into the meat of it, I have to say that there a few tenets that must be known.

1)  I love sports, especially sports that my kids are playing.
2)  I have coached and I've been a coach's wife, so I know it isn't always easy.
3)  I love my kids more than anything, especially more than any high school coach that I know.

This particular soccer season has me in crisis.  Not a true crisis but in a self-imposed crisis.  I am having a hard time being a good role model to my girls which pains me more than anything.  Here is what has me in that crisis.

Abs has devoted her athletic ability to soccer; enough so that she has whittled down her time in other sports. She skips gymnastics over soccer.  She didn't play basketball, even though she really wanted to be with her friends, because she wanted to devote her time to her soccer team, so she could be ready for her high school season.  She worked.  She worked extremely hard and was rewarded on her club team (which is coached by two very well respected and reputable coaches) by playing almost full time in almost every outdoor game she played in.  I will always say that Abbey is, more often than not, the hardest worker on the field.  She is always the hardest worker in any situation (except maybe cleaning which is another story!).  In fact, her work ethic is something that I greatly admire.  I want to be as diligent as she is when I decide to grow up.

High school tryout season arrives and even though she was coming off of a sprain she didn't want to take a deferred tryout, she wanted to go and give it her all.  And she did.

Flashback to last season, she was one of the leaders on the JV team, recognized by the coaches as she was also called up to play Varsity.  Well, called up to play just enough not to letter.

Back to present day, Abs gets put on JV, even though there are several girls that she outplays, in particular a Sophomore that made varsity last year, and when Abbey was subbing on varsity this girl got less time than Abs.  There is also a Freshman that only went to tryouts because her mom made her, she has no heart in it at all.  Finally a Sophomore, who isn't 1/2 the soccer player Abbey is, plays 0 club soccer because it isn't her favorite sport and who plays some of the laziest defending that I have ever seen.  I know it sounds like sour grapes from a disappointed mom but even other parents have commented to me on it when they saw who had made which team.  The odd thing is, those 3 girls have one thing in common, the head coach has prior experience with those girls' families because of older siblings playing sports.

I have to give my girl props though, she went to the coach and plead her own case.  Asked how he could make that decision when she, and two girls (both juniors) and her two friends from her club team, who also play on the high school team, are not only better players but have more heart, tenacity, and drive than any of the others that play.  The coach gave her some bullshit answer about the fact that there will be a lower level Varsity and a higher level JV and positions will be rotated.  If that were true the coach would make everyone earn their spot each week.  Make them challenge and work for the spot.  Instead, it will be a series of favoritisms and slights;  recognition and dismissal.

And from my side of the sideline a lot of opportunities to show my girl that even though life isn't always fair; her mom will always be her biggest cheerleader, her strongest ally, and her biggest fan!

Trying to Square up with My Sweet Abbey...

So I am very remiss on celebrating my sweet Abbey Hannah! I need to talk about how lucky I am to be her mom.

Abbey was my miracle baby. She was the first one that the doctors said wouldn't happen. I can remember so vividly finding out that I was pregnant and what an overwhelming excitement and worry it was. When the very difficult pregnancy got even more difficult I didn't know that I could worry so much about someone I hadn't really met face to face. When we she finally arrived and I could kiss her sweet face, every monitoring session and ultrasound (we had 3 a week for 4 months) was more than worth it.

After she was about 3 weeks old she started to be colicky...really colicky and I wondered if I was the right person to be her mom. I kept thinking maybe I didn't have the patience or everything it would take to guide her through the world. I couldn't even get her to stop crying! Then one day when she was in a crying jag James Taylor was on The Today Show, and when he started singing Fire and Rain, Abbey stopped crying. I immediately called my mother in law and said we had to get that CD. It became my best friend because it totally soothed the baby I was so desperate to know.

Abbey also only wanted me. In fact she didn't want anyone else even looking at her. She would burst into tears if she realized anyone was looking at her. This made being around anyone pretty tough. So we continued in our symbiotic existence of Abbey and Mommy, Dad was mostly ok and the occasional outsider that could trick her into letting them be around her.

That should have worried me...and it did but it all worked out. Abbey is now one of the nicest kids that you could ever meet. She is kind, smart, beautiful and amazingly funny. I can't tell you how grateful I am that she is so amazing. So now I owe her the 12 things about Abbey for her very belated 12th birthday.

1) Her crazy sense of humor. She is so quick witted that it totally amazes me.
2) Her ability to be kind. Abbey has an inner moral compass that would rival Mother Theresa. Even as a little girl playing soccer she didn't want to have to take the ball from anyone and was sure to get the names of all of the girls around her. And she would come off of the field talking about her new friend. There was even a point where we had to have Emily teach her how to be more aggressive on the field. Emily's words of wisdom, "you can knock them down and not even get a time out!"
3) Her amazing brain. Abbey is smarter than I ever thought of being. She is definitely her daddy's daughter. She understands algebra better at 12 than I ever did.
4) Her beautiful smile, it lights up the building!
5) Her ability to find fun wherever she goes. She sees the fun in just about every situation.
6) Her amazing athletic prowess. Abbey is the jock of all jocks. I am never more amazed than when she is playing soccer and she and another player collide (she learned the aggressive thing now) she will bounce back up and be heading the right way before the other girl can collect her thoughts.
7) Her love of books. Abbey and I share the true love of books. We don't have many comparisons but that is definitely one of them and I am so excited that we will always have that bond over great books.
8) Her ability to make friends wherever she goes. She can get along with the devil himself and with the rest of us as her relatives she does!
9) Her sensitivity. Abbey has a body of steel and a heart of jello, she is so sensitive to everything and everyone and just wants everyone to be ok.
10) Her lack of fear. Her favorite show as a little girl was Fear Factor, she wants to be a fighter pilot or a Navy seal and she has no fear of anything.
11) Her good sense of self. She has a great understanding of who she is and everything around her. She truly likes herself and has no fear of entering into a new situation and being around new people.
12) Her willingness to accept that Greg and I are geeks and love us anyway. She is a wonderful sister that is always looking out for Emily, or rather willing to let Emily guide her while still being the Jiminy Cricket on Emily's shoulder to try and steer her the right way.

I love you my sweet girl and I am so grateful that I get to be part of your life!

Trying to find Nice...

So I have drafted several blog posts and they all seem to need a little work...

However, some events of today prompted me to dive back in and post...this post will seem snarky and possibly mean but I am up to my toukis in mean! I promise to post a nice blog tomorrow! For today here goes...

So, I am on the search for nice. Simple kindness. Come on people now, smile on your brother kind of nice. I'd like to buy the world a Coke kind of nice. I've even tried this by trying to buy the world a Starbucks (the 2000's version of Coke...both kinds actually because there is just something addictive about Starbucks). I actually try to pay for coffee for the person behind me in line occasionally, just so they might pay it forward. (And honestly, I can say when I have been so fortunate it has completely made my week!)

Anyway back to the topic. I want common courtesy! Why can't drivers who are usually driving like idiots, give a courtesy wave when you let them in front of you in busy traffic? And on that note, if a person is behind you trying to move into your lane and can see your blinker indicating that you would like to move into that lane, why can't they slow up and let you in so that you can trade places? Why OH WHY do they have to speed up, brake hard and cut in front of you?

And, why can't the lady at the grocery store who has 90 items and sees you standing there with nothing but a bottle of gin, I mean pack of gum, let you cut in and give you a break? We live in the Midwest which is supposed to be about NICE. But all that I am seeing are self-involved idiots. What's worse, is I see these self-involved idiots perpetuating the behavior. I see kids refusing to make eye contact and who rarely smile if they pass you. I see kids in stores completely disrespectful to any adult, including their parents.

Why Oh Why can't I get over it? Maybe I need to point out some nice things to get myself over this stuff...I did have a nice young man hold the door for me the other day as I entered a store. Maybe I won't count that because he called me Ma'am?! Just kidding, I was so impressed that he acknowledged me that I actually had to stop and let him know. Isn't it funny that it is so rare that when it happens you are moved to tears and want to acknowledge it for the fact that it is rare?

I guess my only solace in this, is the belief that perhaps I better be more watchful of myself (I'll do my best not to cuss out the idiot in traffic or the freak in front of me at the grocery store) just kidding they are neither freaks nor idiots. I will recognize them for what society has made them, which is the same thing it has made me, a harried person just trying to do their best to get by.

By the way, I ran the spell check and neither toukis or snarky are recognized by google dictionary!

Trying to be good enough to deserve a dog

For years now my daughter Emily has wanted a dog. Any dog. Every Dog. Her own Dog.

Because we lead a very busy life (who doesn't?) I was so reluctant to get a dog. I had every excuse you could imagine. They mess up the yard, they chew on things, they wreck the floor, I like the fact that if we travel we can just go, they are expensive, ad infinitum. Every excuse in the world...When did I lose sight of everything a dog brings?

Well, for the last year and a half, Emily has been taking care of the neighbors dog every day after school and for this task has earned $10 a week...and she has saved it all so that she could buy her own dog. She was even saving up to buy a fence that we would need in order to have a dog. She has also tried to sponsor pet events and was even offering to teach the other neighbors' dogs how to brush their teeth. She really believed that she could train them to do this (wouldn't it be nice if we always believed we could accomplish the impossible!)

And this week Emily got her wish (and didn't even have to give up her hard earned cash!) in a dog we adopted from Wayside Waifs http://www.waysidewaifs.org/ (check them out they are doing so many great things for animals!) Emily wandered the many aisles and touched and talked to every dog and would have gladly taken all of them home. When she finally narrowed the field we did a meet and greet with a few dogs and she finally picked out a very sweet Beagle/Coon Hound mix named Kaylee. She couldn't have made a better choice Kaylee is sweet and lovable and couldn't be a better choice for my sweet Emily! She is friendly and lovable and can even act like a lap dog if Emily invites her.

She is content to play when we can play, sleep when we sleep, and just be a part of our family.

I can't believe that I had lost sight of what having a dog really means. I had a beautiful, fun, smart, vivacious boxer dog named Sugar Rae when I was growing up. This dog grew up with me. She ushered me from 5th grade, to junior high and all of the awkwardness and angst that goes along with it. She would listen to me as I described the atrocities of Junior High and never thought I wasn't pretty enough, or thin enough, and never did she tell me that my outfit wasn't good enough. She watched with an understanding gaze no matter what I prattled on about. When I went to high school she checked out my dates and did better analysis than any shrink could do. If everyone used the dog screening method no one would need a match making service. Dogs can sense good people and respond accordingly. My dog was even brave enough to get into a car with me when I was learning to drive. She didn't even rat me out when I got a parking ticket or bumped into a fire hydrant. No judgement was passed! She would run with me when I would work out. She would lounge with me when I didn't want to do anything. And she would wait at the door for me to come home and give me a conspiratorial glance when I would wander in past curfew and I am pretty sure would tiptoe next to me as I went to my room. She sat by me as I filled out college applications, and financial aid requests. She was there when I opened up acceptance letters and I think she was happy when I chose a college in my home town. She was ancient in boxer years especially for a dog that had epilepsy and cancer. She was at my high school graduation, spent time tanning with my friends and me at Homestake Lake, and took great joy in checking me out after I would come home from making pizza at work, as if she was living a human life vicariously through me. She hung on until my first day of college and that afternoon when I got home she was playful like she hadn't been in a long time. Then late that evening she couldn't walk and she looked at me with pleading eyes as if she was begging me to help her. I knew that she shouldn't have to suffer anymore. I got to hold her and tell her good bye. She watched me and looked grateful as the vet gave her that last shot. I held her, with tears streaming down my face, as she left this world and I knew that it was best, yet I ached as I had never ached before. It was the most profound loss of my life up to that point. I believe she waited to make sure I was a strong adult that could handle the world on my own.

I now wonder if my excuses to not get a dog had more to do with avoiding that kind of attachment to an animal or if I was afraid to let another animal in and it would take her place. Or if I was really so oblivious to what a dog really brings to a home which is...

An unending love and devotion. They are happy to be part of your life and want to spend time with you. They make you smile the second you walk into the house and the atmosphere automatically feels lighter. They bring endless amounts of entertainment, they are so great to play with and watch because they do the funniest things and are just so excited about everything. They bring happiness wherever they go. When you are with a dog everyone is your friend and wants to know your dog. Strangers smile at you more and acknowledge your dog. They want you to notice that they noticed! Dogs make kids believe that anything is possible...and with a dog by your side...anything is possible!

Trying to tell Emily Happy Birthday!

My sweet Emily Olivia turned 10 yesterday. I've got to say that it was a great day for her and a bittersweet day for me. She got some fun presents and she was very excited. I can't believe that we went from presents like a Minnie Mouse just a few years ago to wanting an Edward (Twilight) tshirt now! WOW!! How does time go by so fast?

Since it was Ozzie's 10th birthday I am going to list 10 things that I LOVE about Oz!

1) Her beautiful personality - Emily is extremely positive and can roll with the punches. She is so accepting and willing to try anything. I truly admire this about her!
2) Her keen intellect - Oz has always been able to see the big picture and she really gets it. One of the funniest things I can remember her saying is this; One day at the lake a man that grew up with my father in law was driving by and stopped to talk. As he left my FIL turned around and said can you believe that, I haven't seen him in 30 years and I couldn't remember his name. Emily looked at him and said, yeah I believe it, you can't even remember where you put your glasses!
3) Her beautiful smile - Emily smiles from her toes up! She has a beautiful light the world smile and she amazes me with how ready to smile she is. She loves to have her picture taken, loves to pose and can always find a reason to turn the frown upside down!
4) Her laugh - Emily has this beautiful infectious laugh, even if I am angry about something if she starts laughing I am laughing too. Even as a baby she sounded like a cartoon baby when she would cry and even more when she would laugh. Her laugh can fill the whole room with joy!
5) Her wicked sense of style - Even when she was little Em had a great sense of style (she wore a castle shirt day in and day out!) ha ha She truly loves to dress up, work with clothes and accessories and wants to be a fashion designer (she even wanted fabric and sewing tips for her birthday!) She has already told Abbey that she will design any type of clothes that she wants!
6) Her love of animals - Em loves all creatures big and small and gets absolutely giddy if there is a dog in the vicinity. I've never met a kid that truly loves animals like Ozzie!
7) Her athleticism - Em will take on any sport and have the ability to master it almost instantly. She has a determination to win and do her best that is rare and admirable
8) Her creativity - Em loves to draw, paint, write, and will even scrapbook with me! The most amazing thing is she can find a way to do things that I would never come up with, I applaud her creativity and artistic nature because it is so not like me at all!
9) Her spunky attitude - Em can find a way to command attention and be the girl that everyone wants to be around. She will stand up to anyone and everyone for the things she believes them and it makes me so happy that she has a strong self-confidence and belief in herself. I wish every girl in the world had this and would keep it their whole life!
10) Her sense of Humor - Em can find a way to make something funny and be funny that is pure delight. I love the way she can view the world and find the humor in anything and everything.

Basically, I think there is so much to love and admire about this sweet beautiful girl. I love watching her and knowing that anything is possible!

Happy Birthday Emily! I look forward to continuing to watch you grow and I am so grateful to have you in my life and to be part of yours!!!

Trying to find out my randomness...

Ok, so not only have I been a neglectful blogger...but I've neglected to read my friends' blogs...yikes! My amazing friend Danielle tagged me to write 7 random things about me...and tag others so here goes!

1) I am glad my family is home
2) I wouldn't have minded a couple of more days of solitude! :)
3) I found out that 2 people from my high school in MT don't live that far from me here in KS...weird!
4) I am practicing calligraphy...and its kicking my ass
5) The personal trainer at the gym kicked my ass today!
6) I am completely depressed that they are cancelling Eli Stone, I am a newly addicted fan
7) I was having a hard time choosing between scrapbooking and reading so now I'm listening to audio books while I scrap!

Now its time for others...Lisa, Farrah, Kelley, Lucy, Carin

Trying to get my sistah to forgive me!

Ok, so I have been completely remiss because I A) Have not blogged in a year and B) haven't done the Happy Birthday blog to my sister Jackie...I mean Kelley!

So here goes...

My sister Kelley is one of the world's most beautiful women (now she owes me a dollar) She is funny and witty and it is rare that I can have more fun with one person. She is the best sidekick that a person could have!

When she was here this past Thanksgiving a new sense of silliness ensued. We decided that together we were more Bahstan than the Affleck brothers and have that perfect blend of Bahstan, South Philly, and Jersey. We laughed so hard our sides ached and said Faqn more often than all episodes of the Sopranos put together. I love the fact that we can get together and just look at each other and start laughing like little girls (howver this doesn't make me happy when she looks at me and starts laughing and I think its because I am covered in glitter from presents I am making for her!)

We have so much in common from the fact that we love our kids with all of our hearts, love our siblings just as deeply and have an undying respect for the late, great Aaron Spelling (God rest his soul!) We both know that that man was a Gen i us! So many of our favor Ite shows came from that man. Love Boat, Fantasy Island, Hart to Hart and the be all and end all of entertainment 90210...again let me just say genius! If people were smart they would have had the two of us (Jackie and Terri) deliver the Eulogy because no one else in the en ti ya world has more respect for him (God rest his soul) than the two of us! :)

One of the things that pleases me most is not only does she forgive me for dancing in a cage at SRO (chuckle) but she trusts me with the most important of all tests.

Back to spending time togetha...When Kelley comes to visit we have a great time but I don't think we've ever bonded quite like we did this time. The two of us laughed straight for days and even our kids were better behaved because I think they believed that we had lost our minds so they felt like they had to give us a break. We went to a Burger King to get a cup of cawfee for a man that was standing out in the below freezing weather holding a sign for a company going out of business. Kelley felt bad that he was freezing so we go to get the cawfee and the dawl face that took our order was so kind. In fact I called her dawl face and thanked her for being a dawl. At that point our kids decided to behave and do whatever we asked because they weren't quite certain of which of our Cybil personalities would show up next but they were praying it wasn't Joan Crawford!

I also have to give her props for always being willing to do our hair when she comes to visit. One Kelley haircut is worth a year of any other cuts. She gave my girls pure joy with their fancy cuts and every where we go someone asks where they got such a great cut. She is a hard worker, a great mom and a fabulous sister.

I am so glad that we are friends! Love you!

Trying to figure myself out...

Ok, so my friend Danielle posted her 101 things on her blog and challenged the rest of us with the same. I have finally taken the time to do my 101 things...now its your turn!

101 things

1) I love my daughters more than life itself
2) I had Abbey’s name picked out before she was conceived
3) I couldn’t decide on Emily’s name for a full day after she was born
4) I love my first name
5) I hate my middle name
6) When I was growing up I was the only girl in the family who wasn’t a Charlie’s Angel (Cheryll, Farrah, Kelley)
7) I could live on cereal
8) I love to read! (You can even keep track of what I am reading at the end of my blog!)
9) I wish that I would have become a lawyer
10) I want to teach, High School or college level Literature or Writing
11) I have had a novel in the works for 8 years and I can’t get it done
12) I miss my sisters every day
13) I often miss Montana http://visitmt.com/
14) I am still glad that we moved to Kansas http://money.cnn.com/magazines/moneymag/bplive/2008/
15) When I was growing up I wanted to be an FBI agent
16) I’m not grown up and still want to be an FBI agent
17) I wish we could have had more kids
18) I was told I would never have kids
19) I’ve rounded up cows on my mountain bike
20) I still use the same bike that I got when I graduated from college
21) I’ve lost 19 lbs this summer
22) I want to lose sooooo much more!
23) I was named after my mom’s friend who died when she was 6
24) I was always disappointed as a kid that I couldn’t find anything with my name on it (pencils, shirts, shoe laces)
25) I have more friends that are male than female
26) I come across as confident but I am so often full of self doubt
27) I still cry every time I watch Steel Magnolias
28) My favorite tv show is Deadliest Catch http://dsc.discovery.com/fansites/deadliestcatch/deadliestcatch.html
29) I have a thing for firemen
30) My speed skating coach was also the US Olympic Coach
31) I love my girls and don’t feel like I get enough time with them
32) I like to be alone and don’t feel like I get enough alone time
33) I have been trying for years to come up with an idea for a tattoo that would be perfect for me
34) I don’t think that I am a tattoo type
35) My grandmother who raised me hasn’t spoken to me in 2 years and I miss her deeply
36) I have worked on a crisis hotline
37) I spent a lot of time drinking with my friends when I was in college
38) I wish that I could do it again
39) I sat with the 1990 Portland Trailblazers in the Salt Lake airport chatting and laughing and didn’t realize, until people started asking for autographs, that they were famous
40) I never skipped a class in high school
41) I’ve never smoked a cigarette
42) I want to go to Hawaii
43) I think Glacier Park is one of the most beautiful places on Earth and I feel at peace there
44) I can’t wait to go whitewater rafting with my girls again
45) I want to finish my novel because I don’t want to go to work everyday
46) I would rather have a job where I make/build something than the consulting work that I do now
47) I did the majority of the work on the tile floor in my kitchen/entry way
48) I got my first hole in one on the day after my 36th birthday, on 8/16/08 on the 16th hole (my annual horoscope said 6 would be an important number)
49) I am a horrid procrastinator
50) I am a list maker, and yes sometimes I add things that I’ve already accomplished to a list just because I like to cross them off
51) I had a hysterectomy right after my 30th birthday
52) I have a horrific fear of getting cancer
53) I do the Susan G. Komen race with my girls (and Greg) every year and I’ve made them promise to do it with me when they are my age http://www.raceforthecure.com/

54) I was a tom boy when I was growing up
55) I act like a mother hen to everyone
56) I should have been a psychologist
57) If I won the lottery I would by a huge chunk of land in Morro Bay or Pismo Beach and build

houses for my family so we could all live close
58) I have read all of the Harry Potter books
59) When I was growing up I wanted to be Babe Didrikson
60) I had a huge crush on Rick Springfield …and I’m guessing you did too!

61) I have horrible taste in music and listen to more old stuff than new (see #60)
62) A good friend of mine died when we were 16 and a lot of times when I am worrying about something I have a dream that we are sitting around talking about it
63) I sometimes like to watch Hannah Montana with the girls
64) It sometimes hurts my feelings that Abbey doesn’t want to be chatty with me (or anyone else)
65) It sometimes drives me crazy that Emily wants to chat all the time!
66) I love to play cards
67) I love to play board games
68) I love to scrapbook and wish I could find more time to do it
69) I am afraid to fly
70) I love my in-laws as if they were my own
71) Loving my in-laws only makes me miss my family more
72) I would love to be a stay at home mom
73) I love to crochet
74) I want to learn to knit
75) I want to go on a big road trip with my sisters
76) I swear like a sailor (must be why I like Deadliest Catch!)
77) I feel like I’m home whenever I am in a town on the west coast
78) I’ve never been to Florida
79) I can’t sew worth a flip
80) I wish I could sew
81) I punched a guy who threw beer on my sister (he dropped to the ground)
82) I have two brothers that I would like to get to know better
83) I love to paint (housing interiors not pictures)
84) I have no artistic talent at all!
85) I had an art teacher think I was deranged because I made a mosaic of a gumball machine with people inside
86) I love watching the chef competition shows
87) I would love to be a better cook
88) I love to bake
89) I’ve taken cake decorating courses
90) I am a geek!
91) I’d rather be a beauty!
92) I am completely addicted to Bare Minerals make up and I have become a pusher of it to everyone else http://www.bareescentuals.com/ (really I don't get any kickbacks!)
93) More and more I can’t stand clutter
94) I want to be more organized
95) I want to have more fun with my husband
96) I hate for anyone to workout with me
97) I love the workouts on exercise tv
98) I believe I am a good mom
99) I am a good friend
100) I am a staunch Democrat and do things for campaigns every year http://www.moveon.org/
101) I love techie gadgets!

Trying to give them roots and wings...

As many of you know I love my birthday, well enough that I don't think of it as a day I think I should get to celebrate it the whole month. Maybe this is a Leo thing! :) Here I am on my birthday eve (yep its official birthday eve) and I am pondering the whole getting older thing.

Please keep in mind, I am usually not one of those women that is afraid to get old. In fact I am the opposite, I am thrilled that I am getting the chance to grow old. In fact sometimes when people ask how old I am, I say an age 5 - 10 years older just so they'll say, "wow you look great for your age"! he he I mean I'm still trying to convince everyone I'm really 67. Ok, so herein lies my issue. I want my kids to stop growing up so fast! A single statement today pushed me down this contemplative path. What was the comment you ask?

Well, here goes. The day started out innocuous enough because today was back to school day! (Yes I know it is so incredibly early for this!) And we had already been through the argument about wearing the new clothes and not the ratty basketball shorts, tshirt etc. that they wanted to wear. Now we had moved on to the, "Mom why do we have to take these same pictures every year?" discussion. Then the comment or rather statement was made, "You're not walking us in. Please don't".

I felt like my heart had been ripped out with piano wire. My girls simply wanted us to drop them at the curb, in fact, they didn't even want us to take a picture of them at school unless I could just do it from the car (and I did!) and it sucked! I was strong, and didn't berate them or wave and yell things like "Bye my babies!"

But once they were out of the car and Greg and I were on our way back to the house my torrent of emotion spewed forth pretty much like this.

Shanna: "Can you believe they wouldn't let me (yes me not us) walk them to their class room

Greg: "Yeah"

Shanna: "Don't you even feel a little bit sad that the day is now here where they don't want us around?"

Greg: "No"

Shanna: "Really?"

Greg: "Yeah"

Shanna: "What the hell is wrong with you?" (note my use of tact!)

Greg: "I would be worried if they did want us to and weren't confident enough to handle it on their own."

Shanna: That's right I have no comeback...I know this will amaze all of my friends because Shanna always has a comeback and apparently can talk about herself in 3rd person...but I truly didn't. He was right.

Man it ticks me off to have to say he's right.

I am proud of them! I AM! Hell, I'm proud of us for raising them to be independent, self-confident and strong. BUT, there's still that part of me that wants to walk them to class and watch their nervous smiles and kiss their foreheads and tell them that they will have a great day. I want them to tell them that I am proud of them and know they will do great things. But maybe they don't need me to tell them that or hold their hand because I may have already shown them.

And here are the pics from first day...

Trying to get back into blogging

I know that I have been a horrible bloggett because I have had notes from several people "UPDATE YOUR BLOG SLACKER!" So now its time to update!

I have to start where I left off...which is summer which in this day and age of weird school schedules is almost over because kids go back to school August 12th! YIKES! I miss the days of having Memorial Day to Labor day off. Seemed like there was a true break and there weren't so many days off during the school year.

On to summer!

We were very lucky to get to go to Montana this summer and even luckier to go to one of the prettiest places on earth GLACIER! Greg and the girls and I stayed in a forest service cabin "Owl Creek Cabin" Here is a pic...hard to believe there was that much snow in July!

Just kidding...this is a stock photo of the cabin. Its actually a lot bigger than it looks. Want to stay here? http://www.visitmt.com/categories/moreinfo.asp?IDRRecordId=13894&SiteId=1

If you want to stay in the back woods of Montana I fully recommend the forest service cabins. The best part of this one was the log that people have saved of their travels and stays in the cabin. We were completely grateful to whoever left a Banana Republic candle and completely in debt to whoever left the citronella candles because the mosquitoes there were the size of a Volkswagen.

So after our first night in the cabin we went on to Glacier for a whitewater rafting trip that was phenomenal. The only thing that I am miserable about is we didn't get any pics of us on the raft! We were on a raft with 2 couples from Massachusetts or as they would say close to the Hahbah. They were so cute. As we were going down the river Abbey commented that they sounded like the guys from Car Talk. If you want to hear them go to http://www.cartalk.com/.

To which Emily responded, I think Judy (one of the ladies) talks like Mrs. Potato Head from Toy Story. In case any of you haven't seen it I love the out takes. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UWMbCsubynI and then you will hear what our raft mates sounded like!

You too can have a whitewater adventure the next time you are in glacier http://www.glacierraftco.com/. You will have a great time! I know we did! When we got back to the launch point the Canadian visitors bureau was celebrating Canada Day. We were especially happy about this because this meant free hot dogs, soda, cotton candy, ice cream, cake and the best part of all...the bobsled!

After the kids woke up from the sugar coma (Thanks Canada!) We were off to the rest of Glacier. Going to the Sun Highway wasn't all the way open but we did get to see a lot of it.

Because of all of the late snow run off we saw a lot of water!

After we were worn out from Glacier we drove back to our hometown and got to spend some time on the lake and building a deck for Grandma's Lake house. The kids also spent a lot of time water skiing and tubing.

While we are at the lake house we like to drive in to PBurg which we go to for the candy store. Its called the Sweet Palace and they have every kind of candy imaginable. You can go into sugar shock just by walking through the door.

The other place that we hit is the Flint Creek Outdoors shop in PBurg. We like to go there because it links our Kansas-Montana lives because the guy that owns it is from Olathe! Check it out its a really cool store...http://www.blackfootriver.com/fco.html

Ok and finally...while we were home Barack Obama spent the 4th of July in our hometown.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vPn5Lhuav54

Hope you are all having a great summer...I promise I'll be a more diligent bloggett...

Trying to live up to my status as a Soccer Mom...

I told everyone all about the soccer tournament but I didn't show any pics of the girls in action. So here are the pics!
These are pics of Emily doing her thing...

Here you can see the color of Em's face changing, which means I'm on my way to tell the coach that she needs to come off!

Yep that's Em and a couple of other girls and Em is holding her own!

I have a few more pics of Abbey than I do of Em because I actually got to be at more of Abbey's games.

The Team!

I love this pic of Ab getting ready to do a move!