Trying to Square up with My Sweet Abbey...

So I am very remiss on celebrating my sweet Abbey Hannah! I need to talk about how lucky I am to be her mom.

Abbey was my miracle baby. She was the first one that the doctors said wouldn't happen. I can remember so vividly finding out that I was pregnant and what an overwhelming excitement and worry it was. When the very difficult pregnancy got even more difficult I didn't know that I could worry so much about someone I hadn't really met face to face. When we she finally arrived and I could kiss her sweet face, every monitoring session and ultrasound (we had 3 a week for 4 months) was more than worth it.

After she was about 3 weeks old she started to be colicky...really colicky and I wondered if I was the right person to be her mom. I kept thinking maybe I didn't have the patience or everything it would take to guide her through the world. I couldn't even get her to stop crying! Then one day when she was in a crying jag James Taylor was on The Today Show, and when he started singing Fire and Rain, Abbey stopped crying. I immediately called my mother in law and said we had to get that CD. It became my best friend because it totally soothed the baby I was so desperate to know.

Abbey also only wanted me. In fact she didn't want anyone else even looking at her. She would burst into tears if she realized anyone was looking at her. This made being around anyone pretty tough. So we continued in our symbiotic existence of Abbey and Mommy, Dad was mostly ok and the occasional outsider that could trick her into letting them be around her.

That should have worried me...and it did but it all worked out. Abbey is now one of the nicest kids that you could ever meet. She is kind, smart, beautiful and amazingly funny. I can't tell you how grateful I am that she is so amazing. So now I owe her the 12 things about Abbey for her very belated 12th birthday.

1) Her crazy sense of humor. She is so quick witted that it totally amazes me.
2) Her ability to be kind. Abbey has an inner moral compass that would rival Mother Theresa. Even as a little girl playing soccer she didn't want to have to take the ball from anyone and was sure to get the names of all of the girls around her. And she would come off of the field talking about her new friend. There was even a point where we had to have Emily teach her how to be more aggressive on the field. Emily's words of wisdom, "you can knock them down and not even get a time out!"
3) Her amazing brain. Abbey is smarter than I ever thought of being. She is definitely her daddy's daughter. She understands algebra better at 12 than I ever did.
4) Her beautiful smile, it lights up the building!
5) Her ability to find fun wherever she goes. She sees the fun in just about every situation.
6) Her amazing athletic prowess. Abbey is the jock of all jocks. I am never more amazed than when she is playing soccer and she and another player collide (she learned the aggressive thing now) she will bounce back up and be heading the right way before the other girl can collect her thoughts.
7) Her love of books. Abbey and I share the true love of books. We don't have many comparisons but that is definitely one of them and I am so excited that we will always have that bond over great books.
8) Her ability to make friends wherever she goes. She can get along with the devil himself and with the rest of us as her relatives she does!
9) Her sensitivity. Abbey has a body of steel and a heart of jello, she is so sensitive to everything and everyone and just wants everyone to be ok.
10) Her lack of fear. Her favorite show as a little girl was Fear Factor, she wants to be a fighter pilot or a Navy seal and she has no fear of anything.
11) Her good sense of self. She has a great understanding of who she is and everything around her. She truly likes herself and has no fear of entering into a new situation and being around new people.
12) Her willingness to accept that Greg and I are geeks and love us anyway. She is a wonderful sister that is always looking out for Emily, or rather willing to let Emily guide her while still being the Jiminy Cricket on Emily's shoulder to try and steer her the right way.

I love you my sweet girl and I am so grateful that I get to be part of your life!

Trying to find Nice...

So I have drafted several blog posts and they all seem to need a little work...

However, some events of today prompted me to dive back in and post...this post will seem snarky and possibly mean but I am up to my toukis in mean! I promise to post a nice blog tomorrow! For today here goes...

So, I am on the search for nice. Simple kindness. Come on people now, smile on your brother kind of nice. I'd like to buy the world a Coke kind of nice. I've even tried this by trying to buy the world a Starbucks (the 2000's version of Coke...both kinds actually because there is just something addictive about Starbucks). I actually try to pay for coffee for the person behind me in line occasionally, just so they might pay it forward. (And honestly, I can say when I have been so fortunate it has completely made my week!)

Anyway back to the topic. I want common courtesy! Why can't drivers who are usually driving like idiots, give a courtesy wave when you let them in front of you in busy traffic? And on that note, if a person is behind you trying to move into your lane and can see your blinker indicating that you would like to move into that lane, why can't they slow up and let you in so that you can trade places? Why OH WHY do they have to speed up, brake hard and cut in front of you?

And, why can't the lady at the grocery store who has 90 items and sees you standing there with nothing but a bottle of gin, I mean pack of gum, let you cut in and give you a break? We live in the Midwest which is supposed to be about NICE. But all that I am seeing are self-involved idiots. What's worse, is I see these self-involved idiots perpetuating the behavior. I see kids refusing to make eye contact and who rarely smile if they pass you. I see kids in stores completely disrespectful to any adult, including their parents.

Why Oh Why can't I get over it? Maybe I need to point out some nice things to get myself over this stuff...I did have a nice young man hold the door for me the other day as I entered a store. Maybe I won't count that because he called me Ma'am?! Just kidding, I was so impressed that he acknowledged me that I actually had to stop and let him know. Isn't it funny that it is so rare that when it happens you are moved to tears and want to acknowledge it for the fact that it is rare?

I guess my only solace in this, is the belief that perhaps I better be more watchful of myself (I'll do my best not to cuss out the idiot in traffic or the freak in front of me at the grocery store) just kidding they are neither freaks nor idiots. I will recognize them for what society has made them, which is the same thing it has made me, a harried person just trying to do their best to get by.

By the way, I ran the spell check and neither toukis or snarky are recognized by google dictionary!

Trying to be good enough to deserve a dog

For years now my daughter Emily has wanted a dog. Any dog. Every Dog. Her own Dog.

Because we lead a very busy life (who doesn't?) I was so reluctant to get a dog. I had every excuse you could imagine. They mess up the yard, they chew on things, they wreck the floor, I like the fact that if we travel we can just go, they are expensive, ad infinitum. Every excuse in the world...When did I lose sight of everything a dog brings?

Well, for the last year and a half, Emily has been taking care of the neighbors dog every day after school and for this task has earned $10 a week...and she has saved it all so that she could buy her own dog. She was even saving up to buy a fence that we would need in order to have a dog. She has also tried to sponsor pet events and was even offering to teach the other neighbors' dogs how to brush their teeth. She really believed that she could train them to do this (wouldn't it be nice if we always believed we could accomplish the impossible!)

And this week Emily got her wish (and didn't even have to give up her hard earned cash!) in a dog we adopted from Wayside Waifs http://www.waysidewaifs.org/ (check them out they are doing so many great things for animals!) Emily wandered the many aisles and touched and talked to every dog and would have gladly taken all of them home. When she finally narrowed the field we did a meet and greet with a few dogs and she finally picked out a very sweet Beagle/Coon Hound mix named Kaylee. She couldn't have made a better choice Kaylee is sweet and lovable and couldn't be a better choice for my sweet Emily! She is friendly and lovable and can even act like a lap dog if Emily invites her.

She is content to play when we can play, sleep when we sleep, and just be a part of our family.

I can't believe that I had lost sight of what having a dog really means. I had a beautiful, fun, smart, vivacious boxer dog named Sugar Rae when I was growing up. This dog grew up with me. She ushered me from 5th grade, to junior high and all of the awkwardness and angst that goes along with it. She would listen to me as I described the atrocities of Junior High and never thought I wasn't pretty enough, or thin enough, and never did she tell me that my outfit wasn't good enough. She watched with an understanding gaze no matter what I prattled on about. When I went to high school she checked out my dates and did better analysis than any shrink could do. If everyone used the dog screening method no one would need a match making service. Dogs can sense good people and respond accordingly. My dog was even brave enough to get into a car with me when I was learning to drive. She didn't even rat me out when I got a parking ticket or bumped into a fire hydrant. No judgement was passed! She would run with me when I would work out. She would lounge with me when I didn't want to do anything. And she would wait at the door for me to come home and give me a conspiratorial glance when I would wander in past curfew and I am pretty sure would tiptoe next to me as I went to my room. She sat by me as I filled out college applications, and financial aid requests. She was there when I opened up acceptance letters and I think she was happy when I chose a college in my home town. She was ancient in boxer years especially for a dog that had epilepsy and cancer. She was at my high school graduation, spent time tanning with my friends and me at Homestake Lake, and took great joy in checking me out after I would come home from making pizza at work, as if she was living a human life vicariously through me. She hung on until my first day of college and that afternoon when I got home she was playful like she hadn't been in a long time. Then late that evening she couldn't walk and she looked at me with pleading eyes as if she was begging me to help her. I knew that she shouldn't have to suffer anymore. I got to hold her and tell her good bye. She watched me and looked grateful as the vet gave her that last shot. I held her, with tears streaming down my face, as she left this world and I knew that it was best, yet I ached as I had never ached before. It was the most profound loss of my life up to that point. I believe she waited to make sure I was a strong adult that could handle the world on my own.

I now wonder if my excuses to not get a dog had more to do with avoiding that kind of attachment to an animal or if I was afraid to let another animal in and it would take her place. Or if I was really so oblivious to what a dog really brings to a home which is...

An unending love and devotion. They are happy to be part of your life and want to spend time with you. They make you smile the second you walk into the house and the atmosphere automatically feels lighter. They bring endless amounts of entertainment, they are so great to play with and watch because they do the funniest things and are just so excited about everything. They bring happiness wherever they go. When you are with a dog everyone is your friend and wants to know your dog. Strangers smile at you more and acknowledge your dog. They want you to notice that they noticed! Dogs make kids believe that anything is possible...and with a dog by your side...anything is possible!

Trying to tell Emily Happy Birthday!

My sweet Emily Olivia turned 10 yesterday. I've got to say that it was a great day for her and a bittersweet day for me. She got some fun presents and she was very excited. I can't believe that we went from presents like a Minnie Mouse just a few years ago to wanting an Edward (Twilight) tshirt now! WOW!! How does time go by so fast?

Since it was Ozzie's 10th birthday I am going to list 10 things that I LOVE about Oz!

1) Her beautiful personality - Emily is extremely positive and can roll with the punches. She is so accepting and willing to try anything. I truly admire this about her!
2) Her keen intellect - Oz has always been able to see the big picture and she really gets it. One of the funniest things I can remember her saying is this; One day at the lake a man that grew up with my father in law was driving by and stopped to talk. As he left my FIL turned around and said can you believe that, I haven't seen him in 30 years and I couldn't remember his name. Emily looked at him and said, yeah I believe it, you can't even remember where you put your glasses!
3) Her beautiful smile - Emily smiles from her toes up! She has a beautiful light the world smile and she amazes me with how ready to smile she is. She loves to have her picture taken, loves to pose and can always find a reason to turn the frown upside down!
4) Her laugh - Emily has this beautiful infectious laugh, even if I am angry about something if she starts laughing I am laughing too. Even as a baby she sounded like a cartoon baby when she would cry and even more when she would laugh. Her laugh can fill the whole room with joy!
5) Her wicked sense of style - Even when she was little Em had a great sense of style (she wore a castle shirt day in and day out!) ha ha She truly loves to dress up, work with clothes and accessories and wants to be a fashion designer (she even wanted fabric and sewing tips for her birthday!) She has already told Abbey that she will design any type of clothes that she wants!
6) Her love of animals - Em loves all creatures big and small and gets absolutely giddy if there is a dog in the vicinity. I've never met a kid that truly loves animals like Ozzie!
7) Her athleticism - Em will take on any sport and have the ability to master it almost instantly. She has a determination to win and do her best that is rare and admirable
8) Her creativity - Em loves to draw, paint, write, and will even scrapbook with me! The most amazing thing is she can find a way to do things that I would never come up with, I applaud her creativity and artistic nature because it is so not like me at all!
9) Her spunky attitude - Em can find a way to command attention and be the girl that everyone wants to be around. She will stand up to anyone and everyone for the things she believes them and it makes me so happy that she has a strong self-confidence and belief in herself. I wish every girl in the world had this and would keep it their whole life!
10) Her sense of Humor - Em can find a way to make something funny and be funny that is pure delight. I love the way she can view the world and find the humor in anything and everything.

Basically, I think there is so much to love and admire about this sweet beautiful girl. I love watching her and knowing that anything is possible!

Happy Birthday Emily! I look forward to continuing to watch you grow and I am so grateful to have you in my life and to be part of yours!!!

Trying to find out my randomness...

Ok, so not only have I been a neglectful blogger...but I've neglected to read my friends' blogs...yikes! My amazing friend Danielle tagged me to write 7 random things about me...and tag others so here goes!

1) I am glad my family is home
2) I wouldn't have minded a couple of more days of solitude! :)
3) I found out that 2 people from my high school in MT don't live that far from me here in KS...weird!
4) I am practicing calligraphy...and its kicking my ass
5) The personal trainer at the gym kicked my ass today!
6) I am completely depressed that they are cancelling Eli Stone, I am a newly addicted fan
7) I was having a hard time choosing between scrapbooking and reading so now I'm listening to audio books while I scrap!

Now its time for others...Lisa, Farrah, Kelley, Lucy, Carin